Massive update in which items of thought are listed in no particular order.

Dutch water polo boys with blonde hair that always looks damp make me want to go to Amsterdam. And learn Dutch. And watch water polo. And stare for inappropriately long amounts of time during class.

Half Samoan, one quarter Maori, one quarter German boys with New Zealand accents who also play water polo make me want to strike up conversations about "Whale Rider" and stare for inappropriately long amounts of time during class.

Blind professors can do everything sighted ones can.

I bought pants that fit. It's been a while.

I am most depressed at night. I am now on the same anti-depressant dosage as that of obsessive-compulsives, people with anxiety disorders, and those with serious clinical depression. Woot(?).

My mom really wants to move to Oregon. Thinking about this causes me to hyperventilate and weep until I have snot and spit running down my face and front.

I miss my dog Sadie. I have a picture of her as a newborn puppy in my room. She had a tail then. Sometimes, I walk through the kitchen and think I see her out of the corner of my eye, sleeping under the table or wanting to be let in from the backyard. But she's never there when I look for her.

I love to write. I just don't love it when my textbook tells me to write about meaningful personal experiences that I will have to share with my class. All my meaningful personal experiences are dark and painful. I don't want to workshop my terrible childhood in a group!

My professors are excited about my writing. When I mentioned to one of them that I wanted to go to the SJSU MFA Creative Writing program, she grinned and said without hesitation, "That is exactly what you should be doing." No one has ever said that to me before.

I may have to buy a new belt soon. I've used all the notches on my brown belt.

Boys talk to me now. They're not asking me out or acting like they're interested in me (and that's fine with me), but they actually talk to me. Boys never used to just talk to me. It's either because I'm much thinner and just look better now, or because I feel like a human being for the first time in my life, and it shows. I hope it's the latter.

I love Paramore and Snow Patrol and The Foo Fighters. Yes.

My family is the best. I'm so lucky to have them.

The Judaii are truly a blessing. They are among the few people who make me feel intellectually complemented; I can completely be myself with the Judaii, and vice versa. We are amazing.

I miss Natalie Kay so much, I can't really express it in words. She is one of the most unique and beautiful individuals I will ever know, and it's a great shame that we are so far apart. Pesky Canada getting in the way, and all that.

Alecia will be here soon. This pleases me.

I chewed gum today for the first time in a very long time. I remember now why I don't chew gum.

Doing squats with thirty pounds on top of me is the most ass-kicking single exercise I've ever done. I love it.

I miss organized sports.

Thank God for fluoxetine, therapy, B&N receiving, free weights, community college, and the redemption we find in Jesus Christ. These things have given me my life back. Amen.