...

Today, I was told the following things:

1. My depression is my own fault. I'm only depressed because I wallow in my bad feelings about the past.

2. There's no reason for me to be in so much pain about my childhood. I'm taking a few bad incidents and letting them color the rest of my experience.

3. It's not understandable why I would have learned at a very early age to be afraid of my father. I was a happy, playful child, and there was no clear incident that would warrant this fear, so there was no real reason for me to be scared or feel unsafe.

4. The only thing my father did wrong was put unrealistic pressure on us to succeed and get perfect grades. His temper was never really directed at us, so we shouldn't have been hurt by it.

5. If I would just make the effort to be positive and move on, I wouldn't feel bad or depressed or so much like a failure anymore.

6. It's okay if I want to go to therapy, but all therapy really seems to do is allow me to dwell on the bad things in the past and wallow in my bad feelings.

7. It seems I'm just not trying hard enough to leave the past behind me.


Am I crazy? Has it turned out that I really am the delusional one? My sisters have turned out fine and aren't depressed, so it must be something I'm doing wrong. That must be the explanation, because if it isn't, then I don't know how to make certain people see that none of these things are true. It can't be done.

I can't breathe.